Thursday, February 2

A Secure Mom Raising Secure Girls

I really love my husband for multiple reasons, but lately my love for him has deepened.  I'll tell you why.

I wouldn't call myself a reader, but these days I have a little more time (like during three am feedings) to read articles and blogs that I would otherwise skim over.  Mom sites, baby sites, parenting get the idea.  And honestly, those articles along with all the inappropriate super bowl ads we'll be seeing this weekend, has got me thinking. 

Why am I such a secure woman?

Don't get me wrong. I struggle with all the normal things women with mirrors in their homes struggle with...weight (especially six weeks postpartum), hair color, hair length, hair style, my complexion, crooked name it, I probably don't really like it or could think of a way to improve it.

When we were dating, Matt was like any other doting boyfriend.  He'd take me out to fun restaurants, plan surprise dates and compliment my looks.  But he never remarked positively or negatively on things I had control over.  Let me explain.

Matt loved (loves) my eyes.  Honestly, to me, they're nothing special.  I've never really liked my droopy, squinty, (boringly colored) hazel eyes.  I used to never leave the house without eye liner and mascara on top and bottom. But to him they were beautiful without all that make up...and he told me often.

He didn't compliment me on the dyed color of my hair...but told me he liked my hair dark, which (disappointingly at the time) is my natural color.  But blonde highlights are so in!

When I would complain about my weight (ha!  I can't believe I thought I was fat then.  I'd kill to be that size again.) he'd also say he liked a girl with some meat on her bones, something to hold. Guys like that are rare. 

He didn't care what kind of clothes I wore.  In fact, the day he fell in love with me (because it was love at first site, you know!) I was wearing a ball cap, no make up and my very best sweats.  Attractive.

Needless to say, I sunk my hook in him and held on for dear life.  We were married in 2004 and in the seven years that we've been married, he's never changed his tune. 

Do you know how secure that makes a woman feel?  Not just secure...but beautiful even?  And do you know the power of a secure mama to her girls?

I can't give my husband all the credit.  My security in who I am physically extends beyond my adult years and began when I was a young girl.  My relationship with my dad was strong - and is to this day.  He always affirmed me (not just physically) as a little girl growing into a young woman.  He also loved my mom unconditionally and that made her a secure woman. 

You see the cycle here?  Affirming men beget secure wives who in turn beget secure daughters who seek out affirming men.

And the foundation to it all: Christ.  Big turn here, but if you know Him, you'll transition easily. 

My dad loves the Lord.  His love for the Lord fuels his love for my mom.  My parents love for the Lord fueled their love and affirmation for me.  Finding the true source of love as a young teenage girl caused me to seek out a man who also knew Christ.  And this affirming, loving cycle continues as we raise our girls.

Is the cycle perfect?  No.  There are many Christ-loving women who did not come from Christ-loving, affirming homes (and vice versa).  Praise God! 

I guess the point of this post is to...

1) Praise the Creator for His unending affirmation and love for me.

2) Thank my parents for living out true love and affirmation in their marriage...and encouraging it in me, even as a young girl.

3) Speak highly of my husband and the way that he continues his godly affirmation of me and my girls, so they can (God-willing) continue the cycle of feeling loved and secure.

4) Encourage you and your families to consider these principles in your own homes.

Raising boys?  Teach them to love the things about women that God loves.  Show them that the world's standard of beauty is so much less fulfilling and temporary than God's standard.


Paulina said...

Great post!!

Anonymous said...

WOW!! That brought me to tears! Well put and SO true!!!! Love you sis!! Miss you!! -Sarah